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Sometimes the saddness never goes away - I try to forget things and then they come back to haunt me ten times worse than they were before.
It is amazing how catty women are and how much I dont have in commen with the people at school or the people I work with?
Am I the only one that cares about more wordly things? Who knows. God I wish I could sleep forever sometimes...
Well..... I had a talk with a very wise young women today who told me that it was not worth going through this for any of these people.. she is right.
She knows the in's and outs of this place and she knows that people will destroy you if you let them.
That is not going to happen - especially for a man who cant remain faithful to his new gf... sick little boy. I heard the phone conversation
Oh well an easy fuck is an easy fuck...
I posted something that left me with a firestorm of haters telling me that I was crazy old unattractive and a loser.
Gee, I am not the one skanin around sweeties. Oh well. I am deciding if I will be staying or leaving for better pastures at a University
that has grown ups. I am too old for this shit and it is way out of control.
Time to move on. It is not getting any better and my and thier comments are only getting worse. This serves no purpose. I told the truth, period.
So, let us leave it with that. I wish them well. Time to deal with grown ups. I wish that I would have never come to this college. The women are rude and spiteful and I am becoming one of them.
- Mood:
melancholy
Well depressed again - I am still fighting mad about what happened - why cant I let this go?
I am too old for this shit. Maybe this has happened so many times that this is the breaking point. I mean therapy and medication can do so much. I want revenge. I want answers. WHY? why why.... me?
jesus - what can I do - take the high road? I feel like taking the low road and shoving their faces in shit.
- Mood:
stressed
Well once again fucking mad as hell
where is all of this anger coming from? why have i let it get to me so badly? Why do ugly people think they are attractive?
Muther fucker cock sucker - fucking cunt ... whew that felt good. Peice of trash from west mifflin. what do you expect when you are inbred trash...
thank god my parents worked for a living and understood not taking advantage of the system.
gee - i sound like a republican.
- Mood: aggravated
I am not eating as well as I should have have lost 17 lbs in the last month and a half which is not good.
Every time I eat I feel the need to throw up and end up making myself purge whatever I ate. This is not a good thing, obviously.
Making myself vomit is a sign that something more is going on that I need to deal with. I always think that the thinner I get the happier I will become,
THis is not the case. Hurting myself because others hurt me is not the way of getting over this mess.
I wish someone would believe me when I say that they lied.
- Mood: crappy
I know that they lied period. They got away with it period.
Are they trash - fuck yes.
The difference between me and them is that they hurt people that they care about and I dont
Muther fuckers
I work full time and did not get any sleep... I keep going through my mind that how could they get away with it.
I am sad because it seems that everything that I touch gets destroyed or I end up hurting people or I get dumped on and others move on their happy way.
I wonder if people realize what it is like to be alone all the time. I reach out but get nothing in return. What I do get is harshness,cruelty and judgment.
People say I am too nice - maybe I should be rotten to the core. Or maybe I should lie and be deceitful like the others I run into.?
It is amazing how much I wanted this adventure to be positive. Why is it so bad and why do I feel like I lost again...
Why do the things that I want always leaving me ?
SADNESS IS WHAT I AM FEELING TODAY
- Mood: lonely
The stuff that is in my system now makes me jumpy - Lexapro... interesting stuff. I dont sleep that well maybe it is trying to get my brain working in a better way..?
Since no one is reading this journal I will just keep my own thoughts -
Feeling better. I have not eaten a lot today. I dont feel hungry and have lost 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks. Maybe depression is a good thing after all.
- Mood:
anxious
I have come to hate this situation immenselyy and what it has done to me.
'
I guess that is what I get when I am too nice to people.
I DECIDED TO REINVENT MYSELF TODAY.
IT COMES FROM AN EXPERIENCE ABOUT A MONTH AGO WHERE I WAS LIED TO BY SEVERAL PEOPLE, INCLUDING SOMEONE I THOUGHT HAD CHANGED FOR THE BETTER.
THIS SITUATION TAUGHT ME THAT EVEN UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX... I MEAN TRASH
BITTER PILL TO SWALLOW BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT BUNCH OF WHITE TRASH. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE.
TRASH ...
WHERE DO I BEGIN... FEELING BETTER ABOUT MYSELF IS THE KEY THING. I AM NOT UGLY BY ANY MEANS... KIND OF ARROGANT BUT TRUE.
BUT I FEEL UGLY AFTER GAINING A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF WEIGHT AND HAVING WORK DONE ON MY TEETH.. THEY WILL BE RESTORED BUT THAT IS A WHOLE NEW ISSUE.
I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT - ANYTHING IS OPEN FOR DISCUSSION
'
- Location:PITTSBURGH
- Mood: bitchy
- Music:LED ZEPPEELIN
